Pig and Dissection Humor

What follows are some puns, jokes and riddles that relate to things in a fetal pig dissection lab: science, medicine, anatomy and pigs. If you are a teacher, you might occasionally find the opportunity to tell one in class. (For example, when coming to the section on the skeleton, ask a skeleton riddle.) Many thanks to my students who contributed many of the following jokes.

Some of these jokes are real ‘groaner’ puns, so if you can’t stand such jokes, please close your eyes!

Pigs

• What’s pink on the inside and transparent on the outside? Answer: A pig in a sandwich bag.
• What do you do with your pig when he loses his tail? Answer: Take him to any ‘re-tail’ store.
• What’s pink, dirty, and goes putt, putt, putt? Answer: A pig trying to play golf.
• Why is the letter ‘K’ like a pig’s tail? Answer: because it’s at the end of pork.
• Did you hear about the fellow who was arrested yesterday for stealing a pig? He would have gotten away with his crime, but the pig squealed.
• How do you keep a pig from oinking in the back seat of your car? Answer: put him in the front.

Anatomy

• If you cross a famous detective with a skeleton, what do you get? Answer: Sherlock Bones.
• Why did the skeleton have to go to the dance alone? Answer: because he didn’t have any-body.
• Two flies were flying the wrong way down a freeway. While talking, one ran smack into the windshield of a Mack truck. The other said, “I bet you don’t have the guts to do that again!”
• What do all of the famous anatomists of the 17th century have in common? Answer: They’re all dead.
• Why did the brilliant anatomist disconnect his doorbell? Answer: Because he wanted to win the ‘No-bel’ prize.
• What do you get from a hepatic biopsy? Answer: A sliver of liver.

Medicine

• What do you get when you cross a black cat with poison ivy? Answer: a rash of bad luck.
• Patient to therapist: “I don’t know what to do about my roommate. He’s crazy. He keeps 6 pigs and 3 goats in our spare bedroom. The smell is terrible.”
  Psychiatrist: “Have you tried opening the window?”
  Patient: “What! And let my pigeons escape?!”
• Define: paradox. Answer: a couple of physicians.
• Woman to Dr.: “I don’t know what to do with my husband. Every morning he gets up at 5, puts on his hip boots, stands in the bathtub, and fishes in the commode.”
  Dr.: “have you had him in to see a psychiatrist.”
  Woman: “No, I’m too busy cleaning fish.”
• Man to Dr.: “I don’t know what to do about my wife. She thinks she’s a refrigerator.”
  Dr.: “What is it about this problem that bothers you the most.”
  Man: “Well, at night she sleeps with her mouth open, and that darn little light keeps me awake.”
• “You need glasses.” said the eye doctor to the patient. “I just came in. How did you know”, asked the patient.
  Dr.: “I knew the moment you came in the window.”
• Mortician to Dr. friend: “Hi Doc! Made any grave mistakes today?”
• Patient consults crabby Dr. about ingrown toenail.
  Crabby Dr. says, “I’m afraid there’s no cure. You’ll probably die from this.”
  Patient: “I don’t believe it! I want a second opinion.”
  Dr.: “Oh, very well. Let me see … I’ve got an opening for another appointment next Wednesday.”
• Did you hear that scientists discovered a hereditary cause for depression? It’s caused by blue genes.
• Why did the prisoner want to catch the measles? Answer: so he could break out.

Other

• What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? Answer: One has its claws at the end of its paws, the other has its pause at the end of its clause
• Phone customer to long distance operator: “Hello operator, I’d like to speak to the king of the jungle.”
  Operator: “I’m sorry, that lion is busy.”
• What do you get when you cross a chicken with a racing form? Answer: a chicken that lays odds.
• Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race? It ended in a tie.
• Why did the scientist get rid of all his laboratory rabbits when he heard that rabbits have sharp teeth? Answer: he didn’t want to get a ‘hare cut’.
• Why did the chicken go to the middle of the road? Answer: So that she could lay it on the line.

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